Do things from your soul
when you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. - rumi
My Little Bean,
We both felt so much joy this day.
It was before Nuge decided he wanted to go on an adventure and snuck out through an open window in the basement. Your heart is so full of love for him and you are full of hope that he will come back home. It breaks my heart to see you miss him so much - you sob each night at bedtime and sometimes during the day I can hear you weeping softly. I tell you that Nuge might've gone to visit his friends and suggest that he's having so much fun with them because maybe he's a 'party animal'. You giggle with tears in your eyes and tell me that he's probably singing 'party cat is in the house tonight' and that you really, really want him to come home now. Each night you would place a dish of food out on the deck and make a trail going down the stairs for him in hopes that he would smell it and follow the trail to our door. You so badly want him to know you miss him. I think he misses you too. I wish that I could tell you that he would be coming home soon but I don't want to give you false hope. I have tears in my eyes and my heart hurts for you, my little beanie bug. I hope that my hugs and cuddles and love for you help erase your tears and sorrow. In time.
I never expected these photos to be some of our most treasured ones. But they are, because they're the last photos we have of you and Nuge together. So, for Christmas I'm going to make you your very own special album so you'll be able to see Nuge whenever you're missing him.
This was a morning of just letting go and shooting from my soul. For me. And for you. Not worrying about making a technically great photo, but instead, just soaking up the soft, filtered morning sunlight with you, Nuge and your beloved stuffies - Pandy, Mr.Frog, Ellie, Rainbow, Sprinkles, Cotton Candy, Sister Bear and Orange Ellie.
We were happy. We laughed and we talked and we snuggled.
It was pure joy.
I love you mostest-postest-whole-wide-world, Mommy xo